Monthly Sardonic Soothsaying

During months like April, many of you may find yourselves laying down in bed after watching the news, staying up, thinking "How can it get any worse?" Well, I'll tell you how.

1. Expect that veto on the Iraq spending bill to hit the paper quicker than Mr. Bush can say "Mission Accomplished."
2. With all the recent gun violence lately, there's going to be a lot of talk about changing some gun laws. Well, to put it bluntly, nothing's going to happen.
3. With the stubbornness of both Presidents Bush and Chavez, Hugo's oil siezure means two things: $8 gas and GMC getting one step closer to taking over the world.
4. Just like the gun law talk, discussions about using the n-word in rap songs won't get anywhere. As Scroobius Pip once said, "Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements, and never will be."
5. The Republican nominee debate is going to make a lot of people cry.
6. Racist cops (now proven by official studies) will stay on the force. It's not the color of your car, it's the color of your skin.
7. Looks like Alberto Gonzales is off the hook. If we don't have justice within the Justice Department, where do we have it?
8. While on one hand, Bush is vetoing the best chance of a compromise we have on the Iraq War now, the Dems won't: 1. try again, they've scored their political points 2. try and reach Mr. Bush (both because it's impossible and they have a reputation to protect.)
9. Tainted food is going to start showing up in the human food supply.
10. Until further notice, the fact that nothing will be done about Darfur this month will be included in each Soothsaying.