Worst Week Ever

Trapped miners, pedophiles getting off scott-free, global warming naysayers? Worst week ever? Yes.

1. Bob Murray, the Utah coal baron, disses the press for reporting there was no earthquake, among other truths he disagrees with. Tip for budding journalists: Trust scientists (in this case seismologists) who have no bone to pick with anyone over somebody who may be looking at hundreds of lawsuits. (Note: There was no required second exit to the mine that collapsed, they were using the retreat mining method which is legal but a bit dangerous, and miners had complained about the floor of the mine buckling up earlier in the week).
2. Good news for supporters of Flordia state representative Bob Allen (if such a creature exist?) Mr. Allen was just playing along when he offered an undercover police officer $20 to let Allen perform oral sex on him. "I certainly wasn't there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn't there to exchange money for it," Allen is quoted as saying. Allen also said his fear of black people in the park made him think he was about to become another "statistic", and he would do anything (including become somebody's bitch) to make it out of the park alive. So, you either buy his story, and he's a stupid racist who apparently watches too much Oz and Prison Break, or he's a closet Republican homosexual, in which case he can just go to rehab.
3. According to a Glamour magazine survey, only 6% of women are happy about what they look like. Good news: Men are pigs ladies, we don't care what you look like. Bad news: Men are pigs.
4. Local pedophile news: Vick Putz, after being convicted of molesting a 12 year old girl, has been released from prison and is now teaching horseback riding lessons to children. The logic of this escapes me. Putz, however, has repeatedly declared he was framed, even though he signed a confession. His logic? He was "overtired" when he wrote it. I don't know about you, but even if I haven't slept a wink in five days, I am not so "overtired" I would write a note admitting to the molestation I didn't do.
5. After all the evidence is presented, there are still those who deny global warming is real (i.e. oil companies, scientists paid by oil companies, politicians paid by oil companies). If all this sounds familiar, you're right. Big Tobacco did the exact same thing: deny, pay, deny, deny.