Shaping up to be the Worst Week Ever...Ever

Some of the worst news to surface recently:

Vladimir Putin announced that he will run for Russia's Prime Minister, neglecting to add that his replacement as president is a complete puppet.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/10/01/russia.putin.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch

While denouncing torture in public, the Bush Administration had found loopholes to approve extreme torture in private.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/04/washington/04interrogate.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

Myanmar, if at all possible, has taken a turn for the worse. Journalists are being harrassed more than ever and telephone lines and internet connections are being severed in order to halt the flow of information to the outside world.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/10/04/myanmar.capital.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch

Worst Week Ever

This week could be subtitled "World's Most Disasterous Subjects". (Myanmar, Iraq, Bush, Airlines, and Iran) But it's not. It's the Worst Week Ever.

1. Myanmar.
2. A bait strategy used by United States snipers to kill those who are alledgedly insurgents. The irony: it was invented by the insurgents.
3. Bush's stance on healthcare, specifically because he is expected to deny millions of children access to healthcare because it comes to close to his definition of universal healthcare. And he says the Dems are playing politics.
4. Carol Ann Gotbaum died after trying to escape handcuffs after being arrested for disruptive behavior. Will Gotbaum be the name that the masses yell when The Passanger Uprising of 2007 begins? I hope so.
5. The handling of Ahmadinejad's visit to Columbia University. Yes, the man is a complete crackpot. But he was also a guest. Save the belittling him until he spews his filth.

Political Cartoon of the Week

So far, this is one of the only cartoons dealing with the blatant human rights violations and senseless violence in Myanmar, including the killing of a Japanese photojournalist.

Grammar fails Bush again

Out of all the problems with the president and his administration, (see warrantless wiretapping, Iraq War, denying millions of children health insurance, playing politics, Alberto Gonzales, etc.) investigative journalism wasted on keeping up on whether or not Bush says "is" instead of "are." Woodward and Berstein would be proud.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD THRUS. SEPT. 27, 2007

Worst Week Ever

(Almost) noting guarantees the Worst Week Ever quicker than school schootings if you still go to school.

1. From the Real Racism Files: black students in Tuscaloosa, Alabama moved to lower performing schools after complaints that schools were overcrowded.
2. Blackwater and their "shoot anything that moves, shoot everything else later" philosophy. That, and the fact that Order No. 17 gives protection to Blackwater's "troops," making them immune to Iraqi law, thus free to shoot all the civilians they want.
3. Andy Gates, a disabled man who has flown on his own dozens of times, is not allowed to travel alone on a U.S. Airways plane. The seas of airplane customer revolution is stirring...
4. The Senate rejects a bill that would give soldiers as much time at home as they get overseas. Because allowing them time with their family after years and years thousands of miles away from home in an area where friend is foe and the streets themselves are littered with bombs would just be Anti-American.
5. Tazers and the police that have way too much fun with them.

Political Cartoon of the Week

This week's cartoon wins for the relavence of an increasingly frustrating topic in the news today: no real news reported. Though CNN is often most immune to the celebrity factor, they are by no means not guilty.

This cartoon does not, however, win based on physical attractiveness. Notice the awkward angle of O.J.'s head, who is not really looking at the cake, but rather freedom (how close his bond money is to being cashed). Translation: the cartoonist couldn't draw a quality caricature of the front of O.J.'s head, but the back, my God, is one of the most accurate representations I've ever seen.

Happy Constitution Day

For those of you that didn't know it was Constitution Day (or, like many of my peers, what the Constitution is), go outside and yell a big "Fuck You" to whatever politician gets your goat at that moment. And then go back inside quick before you wind up with a hood over your head and a car battery wired to your nipples on some secret island prison.

Political Cartoon of the Week

Rule #1 about progress in Iraq:
As long as the Iraqi government is more interested in vacations than helping thier country move forward, there is no progress in Iraq.

Worst Week Ever

If it weren't for O.J. this week would look at lot like last week: Staying in Iraq, rampant racism across the country and blatant customer rights violations by giant corporations. In other words, the Worst Week Ever.

1. Megan Williams was tortured, raped, humilated and nearly killed by six sick freaks. And people were outraged over what Britney was wearing.
2. Surge, then reduction.
3. Drawdowns = Withdrawl with a spin.
4. Southwest airlines foced a woman to cover up because they didn't approve of how she was dressed. Maybe she had lost the luggage with her other clothes.
5. O.J. Simpson and his uncanny ability to appear in a major news story every other month since the end of his trial.

Torture case may be hate crime

To: Michael Vick Supporters
Subject: This is real racism.




Blogger's note: Does torturing a minority while calling her racial slurs fall under any other type of crime besides hate crime?

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD WED. SEPT. 12, 2007

Russia tests 'dad of all bombs'

The end is near.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD, WED. SEPT. 12, 2007

Politcal Cartoon of the Week

The cartoonist had this very close. Just replace what he's saying in the first, third and fourth boxes with "I'm not gay", and it is dead on.

Worst Week Ever

What's worse than last week? A week full of political corruption and backstabbing! Worst Week Ever!

1. Mexican president Felipe Calderon calls for the United States to surrender its sovereignty, and accede to Mexico's inherent supremacy (and he said all this with a straight face.) Illegal immigrants, from what I understand, are running away from Mexico's problems, and aren't a secret guerrilla army that will overwhelm us with their sheer numbers, one Taco Bueno at a time. I could be mistaken.
2. Sen. Larry Craig's off and on resignation. Last update: he plans on fighting a guilty plea and overturning it before the end of the month. His effort would be admirable, if it weren't for the fact that there had been rumors of his bathroom antics long before this.
3. Democrats: you aren't getting off scandal-free. Norman Hsu, a big fan of Clinton, was MIA Wednesday, when he was supposed to show up for court. More proof that it's not what side your on, it's just whether or not you are in politics.
4. Those uncompromising, trouble-making Democrats will again try to take our brave, happy troops (who are by the way, winning the war) out of the terrorist breeding ground called Iraq. This time, however, they will change up the plan to make it more appealing to the steadfast and strong Republicans, who will, as any good patriot would, shoot it down. Those liberal pukes. Always after political points and never willing to just compromise by obeying Republicans.
5. A B-52 with armed nuclear warheads makes a trip over the Midwest. Good news: they decomissioned the warheads. After they made the trip. Thanks for that.

B-52 trip with warheads probed

I've tried to retire from this blog, I really have. It is the bane of my existence, and only serves to depress me even more than looking at a newspaper, because I must dwell on things like this. This story hits especially close to home, literally, because that plane flew right over my fucking home.

"At no time was the public in danger."

Remember those words next press conference you attend.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD THURSDAY SEPT. 6, 2007

Peas in a pod

Resigning from job:
Gonzales: Dear God in heaven, finally.
Vick: Only if the NFL says so.

Apologizing for his actions:
Gonzales: No. And don't expect one either.
Vick: Yes. Thank you, Mr. Vick.

Supporters are:
Gonzales: Few and far between (i.e. Bush).
Vick: Atlanta Falcon crazies.

Defense strategy:
Gonzales: "I don't recall."
Vick: No. Maybe. Yes.

People who worked for him:
Gonzales: Were fired. But he had no idea why.
Vick: Killed dogs.

Political Cartoon of the Week

One of the few (and I mean very few) pleasures in life is seeing somebody's reaction when they are wrong, were always wrong, and will continue to try and defend what they thought was right, but was really wrong. Case in point: Vick. All the sportswriters, ESPN, Falcon fans, New Order freaks, etc. thought Michael was innocent, he would plead not guilty, he'd come back to play in the NFL and lead thier team all the way to the Super Bowl, and the whole thing would be forgotten. What a joy it was when he plead guilty, not only to financing the Bad Newz Kennels, but also to gambling and killing dogs. Albeit, I have not seen any physical reaction by any of his defenders, but I have seen an overall reaction. Silence.

Worst Week Ever

Creepy media hog pedophile and wannabe murderer gets the girl? Especially for single guys, this has been the Worst Week Ever.

1. Two charges were dropped against a Abu Ghraib officer after it was found he was not read his rights when arrested. Yes, they handled this right - read his rights, follow the law, etc. - but it's so frustrating that the arresting officers forgot such a big thing.
2. Speaking of dropped charges - if you wear your "friend's" pants with "her" cocaine in the pocket, that's okay. If you don't get the reference, you gave up watching endless CNN celebrity "news".
3. President Bush drew parallels between the Iraq and Vietnam war this week. Has he seen the light? Does he get it's a pointless war? No, he just thought we left Vietnam too early.
4. U.S. Rep. Bill Sali from Idaho was quoted in an interview saying that a Muslim congressman was "not what was envisioned by the Founding Fathers." The Founding Fathers also owned slaves, so all their views on minorities cannot be translated in a tolerant 2007.
5. John Mark Karr, everybody's favorite 15 minutes of fame sexual predator has announced he's engaged to a woman named Brooke Simmons. A cheat sheet to why this is wrong:
- She's almost half his age (nothing wrong with that, she's just too old for his taste if anything), who he likes because she looks younger. Two previous wives of his were 14 and 16.
- She is a single mother of a 3-year-old girl.
- They want to start leading a normal life, which includes Karr getting a teaching job again.

Why, that troop-hating, America-bashing, commie pinko liberal son of a bitch...

Political Cartoon of the Week

This man should have been canned a long time ago. But, like the liberal puke I am, I'm going to bring this back to Gonzales. WHY ISN'T HE GONE YET?

Worst Week Ever

Baby Einstein videos are don't teach children anything, video games make them fat and violent, so you get your kids some toys to keep them occupied, and they get lead poisoning. Worst Week Ever.

1. The Democratic gay rights debate. Again, the Dems have let me down - all but one or two said gays should be allowed to marry. The rest: cop outs with civil unions.
2. Liz Seccuro's rapist is getting off after six months. The cases are getting more frequent (see Tory Bowen), women are losing thier protection against sexual assaults.
3. Mitt Romney was happy as a clam winning the Iowa straw poll. You would almost think he hadn't packed up busloads of supporters from all over Iowa to vote for him, as all candidates do in straw polls.
4. Just try not buying anything from China, whether it be toys or whatever. Try for a week, tell me how it goes.
5. Good news Michael Vick supporters! Vick and his lawyers are finally getting a innocent plea together. Oh...wait...something just came in...TURNS OUT HE'S NOT PLEADING INNOCENT. IF YOU ARE INNOCENT, YOU PLEAD INNOCENT. IF YOU ARE GUILTY, YOU TAKE A DEAL.

Worst Week Ever

Trapped miners, pedophiles getting off scott-free, global warming naysayers? Worst week ever? Yes.

1. Bob Murray, the Utah coal baron, disses the press for reporting there was no earthquake, among other truths he disagrees with. Tip for budding journalists: Trust scientists (in this case seismologists) who have no bone to pick with anyone over somebody who may be looking at hundreds of lawsuits. (Note: There was no required second exit to the mine that collapsed, they were using the retreat mining method which is legal but a bit dangerous, and miners had complained about the floor of the mine buckling up earlier in the week).
2. Good news for supporters of Flordia state representative Bob Allen (if such a creature exist?) Mr. Allen was just playing along when he offered an undercover police officer $20 to let Allen perform oral sex on him. "I certainly wasn't there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn't there to exchange money for it," Allen is quoted as saying. Allen also said his fear of black people in the park made him think he was about to become another "statistic", and he would do anything (including become somebody's bitch) to make it out of the park alive. So, you either buy his story, and he's a stupid racist who apparently watches too much Oz and Prison Break, or he's a closet Republican homosexual, in which case he can just go to rehab.
3. According to a Glamour magazine survey, only 6% of women are happy about what they look like. Good news: Men are pigs ladies, we don't care what you look like. Bad news: Men are pigs.
4. Local pedophile news: Vick Putz, after being convicted of molesting a 12 year old girl, has been released from prison and is now teaching horseback riding lessons to children. The logic of this escapes me. Putz, however, has repeatedly declared he was framed, even though he signed a confession. His logic? He was "overtired" when he wrote it. I don't know about you, but even if I haven't slept a wink in five days, I am not so "overtired" I would write a note admitting to the molestation I didn't do.
5. After all the evidence is presented, there are still those who deny global warming is real (i.e. oil companies, scientists paid by oil companies, politicians paid by oil companies). If all this sounds familiar, you're right. Big Tobacco did the exact same thing: deny, pay, deny, deny.

Political Cartoon of the Week

If you get the chance to visit beautiful Omaha anytime soon, my best suggestion is: don't. The month of July alone saw 31 shooting victims. The problem is, in this ultra-conservative state, lax gun control laws putting more guns on the street isn't the cause of more gun violence.

Bruning says he's 'a friend of Nelnet'

Where does this man get the nerve? Letting a company go that misled hundreds of poor college students, a company so blatantly greedy that somebody from New York noticed before anyone here did? Where does he get the idea that he can get away with being so corrupt? (Please see: U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.)

Published in the Omaha World-Herald Wed. Aug. 8, 2007

Political Cartoon of the Week

The only thing wrong with cartoon is that Cheney can't be tied down to one branch. He transforms to whatever branch (or giant car-robot) he wants.

Worst Week Ever

What do you call a week full of some of the most hypocritical people around? The worst week ever.

1. Bush reveals (and that's using the word very, very loosely) that there are more undisclosed surveilance operations underway than what we already know. This is after we've learned that he is monitoring phone calls, international phone calls, internet dialoge, and credit card records. Odds are, it's illegal.
2. Tommy Tester, your friendly everyday Virginia minister and Christian radio DJ, was arrested after urinating in front of children at a car wash (and offering to give to cops oral sex) in a skirt. Odds are, he'll end up in gay rehab.
3. Michael Vick, and all who support him, including but not limited to: Deon Sanders, the NAACP (which is a great organization, but this isn't a race issue), sports casters and Atlanta falcoln fans.
4. The Minneapolis bridge. Rest in peace.
5. OJ Simpson (clear winner of Hypocrite of the Week) criticizing the Goldman family for wanting to profit off his "If I Did it Book".

Ethics bill on its way/Plan would expand surveillance powers/Rove aide appears before panel/Gonzales defends his testimony

What a day. Not one, not two, not even three but four depressing stories in a row. (This is really shaping up to be the worst week ever.) And this entry is for all you liberal commie pinkos out there. They all have to do with the government.

A. Ethics bill on its way. There is otherwise nothing wrong with this story, if there is one thing government today needs it's more ethics (and a new president, but that's redundant.) The problem here is the 17 senators who voted against it. Voters: find out who these people are.
B. Plan would expand surveillance powers. Democrats. They say one thing yet do another. Reminds me of, say, a politician. In this case, many Democratic Congresspeople had run with a strong stance against what the Bush administration has done so far (ergo, they won.) Here, they are blatantly supporting it. Police work is the way to fight terrorism, not - as some may try to convince you to believe - bombing and invading the wrong country. But it can be done legally, with warrants and crazy things like that.
C. Rove aide appears before panel. It's the same arguement with warrantless wiretapping. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, WHY ARE YOU HIDING. Except in this case, those who are hiding are also the ones responsible for the wiretapping, and they have been super secretive while trampling over the Constitution since day one.
D. Gonzales defends his testimony. Why isn't this man out of a job yet?

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD THURS. AUG. 2, 2007

Political Cartoon of the Week

I'm not sure which point the cartoonist is trying to make rings the most true: That this administration is in a huge political mess and just digs a deeper hole every day, or the fact that they just don't seem to care.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD FRI. JULY 27, 2007

Worst Week Ever

Show me a week where celebrity news overruns every aspect of the public media, and I'll show you the worst week ever.

1. No matter what Lindsey says, even if it's not her cocaine, IT'S STILL COCAINE. At least she's being original, that's an excuse the cops have never heard.
2. Some athletes (including Deon Sanders) have come out in defense of Michael Vick. No amount of rationalization in the world can save Vick and Lohan from jail time, and if they are, then what is this faux legal system we're hiding behind?
3. Sunni, Shiite and Kurds finally together as Iraqis for a soccer match...and after game gunfire kills and wounds dozens.
4. And an ironic story, but not the good kind of "politician says impeach Clinton while buying hookers" ironic. Boise State University football player Ian Johnson's wedding was this Saturday. The wedding gifts are unwrapped, the cake is all eaten and the thank you notes and death threats are in the mail. The problem with the wedding was that some in Idaho seem to think it's the 1800's (and that racism was justified at all) because Johnson married a white woman. The irony? Guess who's going to still cheer him on when Boise needs another touchdown. Mr. John Q. Redneck, that's who.
5. Those who complain that the Harry Potter books had become darker and more cynical as they progressed. Look around you. That's life.

FBI chief contradicts Gonzales; Democrats call for perjury probe

There is really only one redeeming factor in this administration. They look after thier own. Break all the laws you want, be as dishonest or incompitent as possible, and you'll still be on Bush's good side as long as you're a member of his party. Which is the strongest reason I've heard yet for becoming a Republican.

Worst Week Ever

Until my scanner starts to work, there will just be Worst Week Evers and the like. Also, because I missed last week's WWE, here's a double dose of depressing news.

1. Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson, betrayed all Democrats this week when he played the deciding vote of whether or not to block funding to Cheney's office. He should still be admired though, Mr. Nelson is one true non-partisan politician.
2. Regular readers of this blog (all of one or two) know that one of my favorite things in the world is irony. How's this: Louisiana Senator David Vitter was one of the first to call for impeachment of President Clinton when the sex scandal broke. Thank you and goodnight.
3. John Edwards was overheard saying to Hilary, long story short, how many of the smaller and lesser known candidates shouldn't have been at the Democratic debate.
4. Michael Vick and anybody who believes his stories and thinks he should still play. I'm talking to you four Falcon fans out there.
5. Bush vetoing a bill that would help with children's insurance. The catch? It would raise cigarrette taxes. Good thing No Child Left Behind is such a roaring success, or else it would seem he doesn't really care about children.
6. Just when you though FEMA was in the clear, evidence shows that they knew about some trailers containing formaldehyde and didn't (get this) RESPOND QUICK ENOUGH.
7. A visa has finally been approved for Bolivian professor Waskar Ari after a 25-month wait. Ari was percieved as a security threat, and thanks to our open, honest government, no answer has been given as to why he was kept out of the country for something that usually takes half as long.
8. The new face of flip-flopping, Mitt Romney (a.k.a. Flip-Flop Mitt) called out Obama on what he called "science-based" (?) sex education in kindergarten. Funny thing is, Romney supported this exact same thing as governor of Massechusetts. The truth is, the "sex ed" is really just teaching kids what is appropriate and inappropriate touching, for example, to avoid child abuse, no bananas and condoms involved. Blogger's Note: I question the common sense of a political party that gets angry at the words "science-based".
9. A mistrial was called for the "non-rape" case (see June 8). Correct me if I'm wrong, but in a murder trial, isn't the procecution supposed to try and prove the defendant COMMITTED A CRIME, instead of DANCING AROUND THE TOPIC. The whole case has turned into an embarrassment for the state of Nebraska. If you are a woman (or even know a woman), you have an obligation to say something and support Ms. Bowen, so please do so now.
10. The extreme Christians (and jealous authors) who are angry at Potter-mania. Some studies have shown that just because kids are picking up Potter doesn't mean they will read any more than usual, but still. This much excitment over a book these days is fantastic, even is Harry is a heathan.

Worst Week Ever

1. Libby and Bush. Rationalize it all you want to, but remember that Scooter was one of Mark Rich's lawyers and that Mark Rich never worked for Clinton. Honestly, though, they are all in it together.
2. Illegal prescription drugs found at Benoit's house. Go ahead and read the WWE's press release and what they have to say about the "rumors" of illegal drugs. Go on, read it.
3. Pakistani government troops using women and children as human shields.
4. The terrorism threat in Europe. Thank God we stopped them by bombing a desert wasteland thousands of miles away instead of using that crazy police work to track down terrorist.
5. Now, instead of spending two hours shopping for shoes, getting plastered with drink names that end in "-tini" and gossiping like they never let high school, the (fashionable New Yorker wannabe) women of the world may get the chance to see it all on the big screen, if a Sex and the City movie works out. Next: Look for The View to start putting out spoken word albums.

Political Cartoon of the Week

After a fantastic Political Cartooning week last week, the slump was inevitable. The commuting of Scooter Libby's sentence, whether for or against it, was really the only thing that (should have) stuck in America's mind.

Artist John Trever has a point with this cartoon. What does Mr. Bush care what anybody else thinks, as long as he keeps those 30% (20%? 15%?) on his side. The only problem is, his supporters must have their heads as far in the sand as he does.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD SUNDAY JULY 8, 2007

Girl was disfigured with bites, police say

Q: What's worse than a 3-year-old girl being bitten so badly by her mother's boyfriend that surgery cannot return her face to normal while her mother stood by and watched?
A: Both parties pleading NOT GUILTY.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD FRIDAY JULY 6, 2007

Killer wrestler made large steroid buys

This is "What's Wrong with the World," not "What is Absolutely Shocking in the News Today."

What's Wrong with this Wire

A new, probably not all that rare feature.

Monthly Sardonic Soothsaying

1. Dick Cheney will get away with the whole "sitting in between the branches of government" gig he's got going. Except for angry bloggers, this will be one war he wins.
2. If the "Grey's Anatomy" producers have any sense of humor whatsoever, the explaination for Isaiah Washinton's disappearance will find him in a motel room with a pool cue shoved up his ass, a-la Soprano's Vito. That's a pretty big if.
3. Ann Coulter's going to make a cancer joke about Elizabeth Edwards. That's no joke either, that's just the kind of person she is.
4. President Bush, claiming that he too is not a part of the executive branch, will take another term. Four more wars! Four more wars!
5. The current iPhone that thousands of people lined up for will, like any other form of TECHNOLOGY THAT JUST COMES OUT will have its share of GLITCHES THAT WILL BE FIXED ON THE NEWER, CHEAPER version in a few months.
6. After everything with Paris Hilton, Darfur will be forgotten again by the general public for another, I don't know, lifetime or two.
7. Libby will end up getting pardoned. Cheney has the ability to put too much pressure on Bush.
8. Despite comments from Colin Powell calling for the closing of Gitmo, it will not only stay open, but the proposed plan of another prison in Afganistan will go through.
9. July 7th will come (07/07/07) and Tupac will not return. He's coming back at 07/07/7777.
10. Because of traveling during the Fourth of July weekend, gas prices will mysteriously rise for a few days, then lower again once the holiday is over.

Worst Week Ever

1. Cheney, that lying, grumpy, heart attacking, crabby, sinister, despicable, old fart and his cronies are what is wrong with the world. He's really all anybody needs when trying to lay the blame for the world's problems on anybody.
2. WWE's handling of the Benoit situation. The press wire (see above) sounded like the drug companies trying to cover their asses, not the entertainment industry that is fueled by them. But it may as well be.
3. Ann Coulter's attacks on John Edwards. Whether it's about his dead son, calling him the 'f' word (see below) or wishing for his assassination, she's only helping him out. She probably has a secret man-crush on him.
4. Isaiah Washington pulling the race card. I blame people like him and Wesley Snipes for misusing it. They are the reason Genarlow Wilson is in jail.
5. Boycotting of Michael Moore's "Sicko". He could make the most nonpartisan or even extremely conservative movie, and hardcore Republicans would still refuse to see it based on their principles. It's the same driving force that makes them support the administration no matter what.

Political Cartoon(s) of the Week

Political cartoonists had a heyday this week, if not for the single reason that a grumpy old man is always fun to draw. So remember this, Mr. Cheney: the people may be apathetic enough to let you break and make your own laws, but the media isn't!

House rejects effort to end funding for Cheney

How do you stop a rhino from charging? You take away its credit card.
How do you stop a corrupt politician from breaking every law in the book while making up his own? You take away his funding.

The fact anybody voted against this, ESPECIALLY Democrats is absolutely shocking and downright embarrassing. Remember that change that was promised when the Democrats took over? Well, here it is. Turns out, the Republicans will stay as corrupt as ever, and the Democrats will stay as spineless as they were the day Bush took office.

Political Cartoon of the Week

It's weeks like these (see below) that I consider starting a blog called "What's right with the world" and just leave the stupid thing alone. Until then, the only thing right with the world that you will see is most political cartoonists viewpoints.

Worst Week Ever

1. This should have been last week, but the Sopranos ending. Not the actual ending of the last episode, but the fact the series is over with. Don't talk about HBO's new programming, nothing will ever replace that show. Ever.
2. Joseph Frederick, the apathetic generation's new free speech hero, lost his case after the Supreme Court ruled that his suspension was granted when Mr. Frederick unfurled a "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" banner at a school event. Granted, free speech is extremely important. The Supreme Court ruled further to be stricter on students who appear to be advocating illegal drugs. Mr. Frederick's heart is in the right place, and the Supreme Court shouldn't be ruling to limit student's free speech even more, but this is blatantly Mr. Frederick's fault. If one is going to fight for free speech, step one is to grow up. If Joseph had sucked it up and taken a 10 day suspension, students would have that much more free speech. How does that look fighting for free speech concerning a sign that was a very childish joke? The next John and Mary Beth Tinker you are not, Joseph Frederick.
3. "The Secret", Oprah's new favorite bestseller, pushes thinking positive thoughts (I will get that new car) instead of going out and working for that new car. It's a wonder why the new diet pill Alli is so popular. Get this: one has to eat well and excercise too.
4. Roy L. Pearson, a Washington D.C. man, sought $54 million from a dry cleaner who lost his favorite pair of pants. (The case was recently thrown out) The legal fees have been hard to pay for the Chungs, the owners of the dry cleaners, immigrants from Korea. Pearson was also reportedly crying during certain parts of the case. Here's the kicker: Roy L. Pearson is a judge.
5. According to CNN: Dick Cheney, in an attempt to avoid cooperation with an agency that oversees classified documents, claimed he and his office were not parts of the executive branch, and therefore did not have to fork over secret documents. Well Mr. Cheney, in case you hadn't noticed, your title is the VICE PRESIDENT. As in, if anything happened to the president, (who just so happens to be a part of the executive branch, since, I don't know, 1789) you would become the next one. Who even defends this administration anymore? They are so corrupt and so secretive that the only way anybody supports them is if they haven't learned about all this corruption because of the secrecy. It's all too clear now.

Political Cartoon of the Week

In case you haven't noticed, Fred Thompson is lazy. (And Hilary voted for the war, Mitt is a worse flip-flopper since Kerry, and Obama is the best choice for president since Abraham Lincoln.) What's the proof? He's not campaigning, he's blogging his views on his website. What Mr. Thompson probably doesn't realize is what a huge inconvenience being president of the United States will be.

Worst Week Ever

1. Wesley Snipes pulling the race card in his tax evasion case. What he apparently doesn't know is that black or white, YOU HAVE TO FILE TAXES.
2. Britney's mother, Lynne Spears, is defending her daughter and what's she's going through, saying she's just "figuring things out." She's also been quoted as saying "It's sad that the whole world has to watch her make mistakes that all of us have made at one time or another." She's right. I remember going through what she's going through, leaving her children at home night after night to go out drinking, avoiding rehab, going commando , almost dropping the children multiple times while changing my posture so the camera can get a better angle.
3. President Bush's nomination for Surgeon General, has been quoted as writing "when the complementarity of the sexes is breached," (i.e. gay sex) "injuries and diseases may occur." So he's anti-gay..not a shocker coming from the Bush Administration. But anyone that believes STDs are directly linked to gay sex and gay sex only is simply not qualified for this job. Period.
4. What would we do without community leaders like Al Sharpton? He is right at the center of the race issue, defending those whose cases need the publicity. Oh wait, when I say "at the center of the race issue," I mean "where the cameras are." And when I say "defending those whose cases need the publicity," I mean yapping about Paris Hilton instead of Genarlow Wilson, a young Georgia man who is wrongly imprisoned.
5. Mike Nifong. Anything about him, anybody defending him, him trying to keep his job.

Curser in Chief

NOTE: This is not a story, it is an opinion column. It's still filled with facts, but there is a lot of opinion in here. That's why Bill O'Rielly can say whatever he wants and still be wrong at the same time.

Probably the best thing humans developed over the years was a sense of irony, which is a lot funnier and more useful in black comedies than the opposable thumb. There's not neccessarily anything wrong with what's in this column, it's just funny.

Synopsis: President Bush, fresh into the White House, was looking to clean up America's act. Too much sex, drugs and rock n' roll in our culture. He stepped up indeceny fines, signing a bill that would allow the FCC to charge a lot more for a lot littler crimes (ergo, Howard Stern on satallite). A direct quote from Mr. Bush: "It's going to help American parents by making broadcast television and radio more family friendly."

We all laughed when Bush was caught cursing and somebody understood one of Mr. Cheney's incoherant mumblings to Sen. Patrick Leahy. But now, despite the very efforts by Mr. Bush to clean up broadcast television, it is in part because of him that it will get worse.

Again, now that television (and hopefully soon radio) have a free reign to be more liberal with the curse words, there not neccessarily anything wrong with this. It's just really fucking ironic.


PUBLISHED IN TIME MAGAZINE WEEK OF JUNE 18, 2007

Conventional Wisdom: Prison Blues

Newsweek's CW has to be one of the greatest sources of quick news since the invention of the ticker. It's especially a treat when each of the new items are so cynical, as today.

Newsweek arrives on a Tuesday, so this is a great way to start the week, everything looking down. It makes sites like this, which have regular features touting why this week was the worst ever.

Honestly, even Paris should be sinking, because if Sarah Silverman at the MTV movie awards (I YouTubed it, I don't get MTV) taught us anything, it's that Paris and her situation right now is just one big joke to all of us.

PUBLISHED IN NEWSWEEK WEEK OF JUNE 18, 2007

Worst Week Ever

Worst Week Ever
1. Thought political corruption was just left to the Republicans? Wrong. Congressman William "I am absolutely innocent" Jefferson was found with $90,000 in his freezer. Please, please, please, oh God of Comedic Gold, please have his lawyers mention "freezing his assets". Please.
2. These kids and their rock n' roll music these days. A popular song by Avril Lavigne, and I cannot express my disbelief of this enough, actually has the lyric, I swear to God: "She's like, so whatever." Ms. Lavigne, Bob Dylan you are not.
3. For those of you who still think the United States is still on top for everything, here's one for you. The U.S. was rated 96th of 121 of (get this) the world's worst peace countries. I have a few suggestions, and not surprisingly, they involve #118 Russia, #121 Iraq and #97 Iran.
4. Anything Paris Hilton. Past, present and future.
5. Violent crimes are up for the second year in a row. Good thing we have a President that's so tought on crime. Actually...he cut police funding (along with education.) But hey, Iraq funding doesn't grow on trees.

Political Cartoon of the Week

Thank you Gary Brookins! This is one of the best political cartoons in a long time. This is true not only for the presidential candidates, but also Congress and every prominent political figure in America. Honestly though, one of the best details in this cartoon is the exit. It's not connected with the rest of the maze. Classic.

This maze isn't that bad of an idea for the next election. Put a few tiger traps in there, first of each party are the nominees. Honesty, I just want to see Hilary and Thompson slap-fight it out when they get lost.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD SAT. JUNE 9, 2007

A tale of two scandals

This is one for that 40% that approve of President Bush and the 26% that approve of Mr. Gonzales. Wherever you all are, stay in your underground bunkers, because the truth hurts: this is a horribly corrupt administration.

(edited to focus on timeline)

Hilton to finish sentence at home

Actually, this story isn't even true any more, she was sent back to jail this morning, but it's still relevant. Even before the sheriff's department did the same thing to her sentence as to what she is so famous for in that video (low blow), Ms. Hilton was complaining about the injustices of her case.

Now, before all of you rush to sign a Free Paris petition (you know you were going to), read this: Drunk driving related deaths are at an all time high since 1992.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD THURSDAY JUNE 7, 2007

NOTE: Update on the organ donor show: it was a hoax. Does this mean there isn't as much wrong with the world as I thought there was? No.

Ban of word 'rape' irks some experts

Next thing you know, people like the BTK killer will be getting off scot-free because they will be described as being "a little irked at their neighbors" and "just looking for his 15 minutes of fame."

In all seriousness, this is one of the most sexist events all year.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD THURSDAY JUNE 7, 2007

Too much reality?

A common theme in science fiction, especially recently with the advent of reality television, is people controlling the fate of others for the sake of entertainment. Until now it was just that; science fiction.

Of course, in a lot of science fiction, future earth is in shambles, humans have lost the ability or desire to reproduce and androids enslave the population. It's good to know what we have going for us.

PUBLISHED IN TIME MAGAZINE WEEK OF JUNE 11, 2007

Job discrimination ban against gays shot down

Open Letter to the Gay Community of Nebraska:
The time for revolution has come. You took it when they wouldn't allow civil unions and you let it go when they wouldn't let you get married, but let it pass no longer. Now, in addition to not getting married, you cannot be guaranteed a SAFE PLACE TO WORK or a ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD.

Open Letter to Sen. Tony Fulton of Lincoln:
Homosexuality does not equal pedophilia. There are pedophiles who prefer little boys and pedophiles who prefer little girls. Homosexuals can become teachers. Again, homosexuality does not equal pedophilia.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD WED. MAY 23, 2007

Worst Week Ever

If people cared even half as much about Darfur as they do about whether or not Paris Hilton goes to jail for a DUI, this blog would have a lot different viewpoint.
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?darfur - 4,422 total signatures
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/PH21781/signatures.html - 28,763 total signatures

1. Paris Hilton supporters coming out to show thier support, starting "Free Paris" petitions left and right. If there's anything Ms. Hilton needs, it's a night or two in prison.
2. Continuing debates about a proper immigration bill. 1.) There's bigger problems in the world. 2.) They've had how many years now?
3. Celebrity news (see above) has pushed out the issue with Alberto Gonzales.
4. Two words: Gas prices. It's the same story everywhere. Americans with big cars complain when gas prices first rise, then they get used to it, only to act absolutely shocked when they rise again.
5. One word: Darfur.

Political Cartoon of the Week (Late)

Jim Margulies wins this week for two reasons: Truth and respect. Any cartoon about somebody who recently died is tricky. Mr. Margulies doesn't go out of his way to make controversy (unlike other Jerry Fallwell cartoons this week). It's ironic, true, funny, well drawn, etc.

MySpace won't turn over names

As a journalist, protecting sources makes sense. The problem with MySpace protecting online predators is the MySpace does not equal the New York Times. They have been lax with protection from sex offenders in the past, and this just proves that deep down, they don't care at all.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD WED. MAY 16, 2007

'Brokeback' caused trauma, suit claims

I was planning on taking a break this summer, but the ludicrousness of this story brought me out of an early seasonal retirement.

Tell us, Miss Turner, who are you and your grandparents going to sue later in life when you realize that not everybody you meet will look, act or have the same opinions as you?

Even if I was a homophobic, xenophobic ultra-neo-conservative, I would argue against this case. Frivolous lawsuits cost taxpayers millions of dollars each year.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD MON. MAY 14, 2007

Happy May Day

Happy May 1st, also known as the Fourth Anniversary of the imfamous Mission Accomplished speech.



The audio is off, and the quality is sub-par, even for YouTube. That, and there wasn't an unaltered video clip of this I could find anywhere else. Where's the conservative base on internet video posting sites?

The second one is something else that some of you may find interesting.

Monthly Sardonic Soothsaying

During months like April, many of you may find yourselves laying down in bed after watching the news, staying up, thinking "How can it get any worse?" Well, I'll tell you how.

1. Expect that veto on the Iraq spending bill to hit the paper quicker than Mr. Bush can say "Mission Accomplished."
2. With all the recent gun violence lately, there's going to be a lot of talk about changing some gun laws. Well, to put it bluntly, nothing's going to happen.
3. With the stubbornness of both Presidents Bush and Chavez, Hugo's oil siezure means two things: $8 gas and GMC getting one step closer to taking over the world.
4. Just like the gun law talk, discussions about using the n-word in rap songs won't get anywhere. As Scroobius Pip once said, "Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements, and never will be."
5. The Republican nominee debate is going to make a lot of people cry.
6. Racist cops (now proven by official studies) will stay on the force. It's not the color of your car, it's the color of your skin.
7. Looks like Alberto Gonzales is off the hook. If we don't have justice within the Justice Department, where do we have it?
8. While on one hand, Bush is vetoing the best chance of a compromise we have on the Iraq War now, the Dems won't: 1. try again, they've scored their political points 2. try and reach Mr. Bush (both because it's impossible and they have a reputation to protect.)
9. Tainted food is going to start showing up in the human food supply.
10. Until further notice, the fact that nothing will be done about Darfur this month will be included in each Soothsaying.

Bush says he's willing to work with Dems

compromise: [kam' pre miz'] n. 1. a settlement in which each side makes concessions 2. something midway

Example: Getting the war funding you want, but having to withdraw troops in October.
Non-Example: Getting both the war funding you want and keeping the troops in Iraq as long as you want.

PUBLISHED IN THE LINCOLN JOURNAL STAR TUES. MARCH 1, 2007

Rush Limbaugh and the Virginia Tech shooter

The Virginia Tech massacre was an event that should have brought the two political parties together. What should have happened, in an ideal world, is leaders from both parties would get together and say "Let's never let this happen again. How can we make sure of that?"

As far as I know, Mr. Limbaugh was the first to strike against this idea of working together. Now we're back to politics as usual instead of preventing another shooting.

(P.S. - this isn't condoning the site that put this up...I haven't checked up on it yet, but I know for a fact Mr. Limbaugh said this.)

Political Cartoon of the Week

For all that Alberto Gonzales doesn't know, we all have one question: What exactly does he do?

This obviously isn't the only political cartoon on the subject, but I love the shading and detail of this one (even if Uncle Sam looks like everybody's alcoholic, double chinned Uncle Ernie).

PUBLISHED IN THE LINCOLN JOURNAL STAR TUES. APRIL 24, 2007

Worst Week Ever

1. Turns out that the United States also had access for Japan's "comfort women." It's good to know that we were so above our enemies in WWII, as we are today, avoiding torture controversy, abuses of the habeas corpus, etc.
2. Bush's inevitable veto of the Iraq spending bill/timetable, also known as a compromise.
3. Wonder why nobody is attacking Mr. Tobias for the call-girl controversy? It's because they're also on the list.
4. A recent study by the Bureau of Justice Statistics shows that minorities are treated with more force than whites when pulled over by the police. It's in writing now...let's see what happens.
5. Until further notice, the fact that no action has been taken in Darfur shall be listed as one of (if not the single) the worst things that has happened this week.

Aid official linked to call-girl ring

Don't for one minute believe that there weren't a fair share of Democrats in this black book. Just saying.

Here's a suggestion:
Republicans - avoid controversy or corruption from now until November. After that, feel free to visit D.C. brothels, kick back and watch oil prices rise, or do whatever washed-up GOP-ers do when they're out of a job.
Democrats - you also avoid controversy, try not to blow it until after this inevitable presidential takeover. After that, end the war, stick cigars up noonies, or do whatever political parties do when following one of the worst administrations in recent memory (i.e. ever).

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD SAT. APRIL 28, 2007

Polish PM: No need for more homosexuals

You know, in America, when politicians persecute one group or another like this, they don't often deny it and blatantly lie. The usual path to rationalization is: "This homosexual is ruining my marriage" or "What if our kids catch gayness?"

PUBLISHED IN THE LINCOLN JOURNAL STAR FRI. APRIL 27, 2007

Narcissism is up, scientists say

Spend an hour in the halls of any high school in America, most college campuses, and, of course, most blogs (!!!) and YouTube, and you will see this narcissism first-hand. If this trend continues, it wouldn't be surprising to see humans evolve into asexual beings.

PUBLISHED IN THE OMAHA WORLD-HERALD FRI. APRIL 27, 2007